Not Yet
by thatlisakid
Summary: Finn still loved Rachel, that was inevitable, he just couldn't bring himself to forgive her yet. Maybe a party will change his mind?  I'm no good at writing summaries, sorry guys  set between 2x11 - 2x14


The day Finn found out that Rachel had cheated on him with Puck was the most painful of his life. Even more so than when he found out about Quinn as a part of him had always known that she was in love with Puck. However, hearing those exact same words coming from Rachel_, his Rachel_ , tortured him. It led him to believe that she had done it because she didn't love him, even after Rachel insisted that wasn't the case. For weeks he couldn't look at her without feeling tears in his eyes. When he and Puck decided to join forces again in an attempt to win the football title, he couldn't help but feel bad about not at least giving Rachel a chance to speak her side of things, however, all it took was one small reminder and he remembered why. It still hurt too much.

When valentines day came around, he felt lonely, more than ever. Seeing everyone singing to their girlfriends/boyfriends made Finn wish that Rachel and him were just as happy as they were before... that happened so it could be him up there, singing to her everything he felt. Everything he still did feel. However he couldn't. Not yet anyway. In an attempt to make himself feel better, he thought the kissing booth would be a good idea. When Quinn placed a dollar on the booth, at first he was surprised, I mean it had been almost 3 months since they had a civil conversation. Then again, it was all for a good cause so he just went along with it. However, when Rachel placed a dollar on the booth, he didn't know what to do. At first, he just wanted to kiss her to get it done with so he could close the booth and go home and cry, reminding himself further of what he was missing. When she told him she was still in love with him, he wanted to wrap his arms around her, tell her how much he loved her and they could go back to being the couple they were before. But he couldn't do that. Not yet. So he just kissed her cheek and he could see just how much it was killing her too.

As his lips brushed her cheek, it was as if everything was put in to perspective. He wasn't going to deny that when he kissed Quinn he felt fireworks which first surprised him. But when he kissed Rachel, it was as if he entered a while new world, just like before. That was only when he kissed her cheek... He tried to imagine what it would be like kissing her lips again but he couldn't. Why? Anything was possible with Rachel Barbra Berry. However, he still wasn't ready to forgive her. He was too afraid that they wouldn't be in love like they were before. Before they got back together, he had to make sure he could trust her again.

The day Rachel stood up for herself in glee, he was so proud of her. When everyone voted for either MCR or her (amazing) original song idea, he wanted to put his hand up for her idea and tell her how amazing it was, but inside he knew that if he did that, she'd think that he had forgiven her and he still wasn't ready. Instead, he waited until rehearsal was over and told her. When she asked if he wanted to help her write a kick-ass song for regionals, he wanted to say yes, just because he could show the rest of the group that he wasn't as dumb as everyone said. Instead he just told her to write it herself, he knew whatever she wrote would be amazing because lets face it, she's Rachel Barbra Berry, what the hell can't she do? "You really believe in me that much?" she asked him, he could even see tears forming in her eyes, but he knew it was because she was happy. He just smiled at her. "More."

When she asks him to come to the choir room, he knew it was because she had been working on her new song. It had only been 2 days since she came up with the idea but because it was Rachel, he wasn't surprised. She wrapped her arms around him to ease the tension between them, which made him smile as he agreed that things didn't need to be awkward between them anymore. As he hugged her, it reminded him just how much he missed her, it was killing him but he couldn't say that out loud because he was still trying to forgive her. For now, they would just have to deal with being friends. Best friends. After Rachel started singing, it took him at least 2 minutes before he actually realised that she was singing about her headband as he was too busy admiring her voice. He did think the song was adorable, and he knew how hard she worked on it, so it took everything he hand not to tell her that it wouldn't do them any favours at regionals. He just agreed when she said it sucked, hoping she would just think up something totally different. He didn't expect her to throw a house party. "This will not end well." He thought to himself.

Needless to say, Finn was right. The party was a disaster. When Puck suggested breaking in to Rachel's dad's liquor cabinet, he just nodded and agreed when in reality, he knew it was a terrible idea. Rachel asked Finn to dance and he didn't really want to say know because he knew she would start shouting at him over it and it really wasn't worth that. She told him she'd do anything for him. She'd never said that before, and even though she was heavily intoxicated, he knew she meant it. The bottom line of it was: he knew from that moment he could trust her. With anything. From that, he knew he could learn to forgive her. "Maybe this party wasn't so bad after all?" He told himself.

Okay, maybe he shouldn't have referred to her as a "needy drunk" he knew the second he said it, it would offend her deeply and he wished he could take it back. However, he did think it was a bit harsh that she decided to play spin the bottle, meaning she would have to kiss someone else in front of him. Even though they weren't together, it still hurt seeing her with other people. Why? They weren't him. When she kissed Blaine (well, "kissed" is an understatement, "sucked the face of" seems to fit more) it hurt. A lot. He knew she was doing it to make him jealous now, and she was succeeding.

From that moment on, he didn't matter about everything that had happened before, because no matter what happened, for Finn, it was always going to be Rachel and he needed to let her know that.

Regionals seemed like the perfect time to tell her everything


End file.
